come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
