apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
