two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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