I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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