Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
