just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
