Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
