lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
