i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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