I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
