dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
