I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
