It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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