Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
