didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
