dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
