Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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