His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
