just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
