What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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