Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
