its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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