Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
