Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
