I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
