dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
