If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
