where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
