well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
