Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
