you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
