he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
