I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
