just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
