totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
