I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
