Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
