Yo dont text me then not text me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
