Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
