I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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