I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
