i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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