Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
