The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
