did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
