she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
