I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
