Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
