Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
