He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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