"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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