you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
