happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
