he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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