Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
