His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
