its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
